May 15, 2018
In recovery, we’re learning to let ourselves go! We’re learning to be spontaneous.
Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don’t have fun; and always be in control.
We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self-destructive, or irresponsible manner.
That’s not what we’re talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are—in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn’t hurt us, and doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.
We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self-awareness and self-esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.
Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and to achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control ourselves and others, and fully and freely enter into the present moment.
Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you’re wrong? Relish your imperfections.
Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!
We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.
Today, I will throw out the rule book and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, myself, and others.
From the book: The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series
About the author
In addiction and recovery circles, Melody Beattie is a household name. She is the best-selling author of numerous books.
One of Melody's more recent titles is The Grief Club, which was published in 2006. This inspirational book gives the reader an inside look at the miraculous phenomenon that occurs after loss--the being welcomed into a new "club" of sorts, a circle of people who have lived through similar grief and pain, whether it be the loss of a child, a spouse, a career, or even one's youth.