Stand up to your fear of abandonment
April 11, 2018
“I’m in a relationship with someone who isn’t good for me,” a woman said to me one day. “My boyfriend manipulates me, and he often doesn’t tell me the truth. But every time I get ready to kick him to the curb, my fear of abandonment sets in.”
Many of us have a fear of abandonment. Some of us let it rule our lives. We’ll do anything just so that person doesn’t walk out and leave us alone.
I spent many years letting fear of abandonment control me. After a while, I finally wore out that belief. I just got sick and tired of worrying about whether I was good enough for that person.
Then a new thought set me free: If you don’t want to be my friend, or my lover, or my employer, I don’t want you in my life.
No more emotional blackmail. No more stress. No more having to second-guess what that other person is feeling.
Are you spending your time worried about someone leaving you? Does your fear of being abandoned leave you feeling like an underdog in your relationships? Let it go. Stand fast. And listen to what I’m about to tell you: If that person doesn’t want to be in your life, just let him or her leave. Do you want someone in your life who really doesn’t want to be there? Of course not. Let him or her go.
Once you adopt this belief, it’s easy to send the bad relationships packing, and the good people want to stay.
God, help me believe that I deserve only the best of relationships.
From the book: More Language of Letting Go
About the author
In addiction and recovery circles, Melody Beattie is a household name. She is the best-selling author of numerous books.
One of Melody's more recent titles is The Grief Club, which was published in 2006. This inspirational book gives the reader an inside look at the miraculous phenomenon that occurs after loss--the being welcomed into a new "club" of sorts, a circle of people who have lived through similar grief and pain, whether it be the loss of a child, a spouse, a career, or even one's youth.