To People Further Down the Grief Road
January 02, 2018
Is someone you care about grieving? Do you wonder what to do to help? You can post questions at The Grief Club site at http://www.MelodyBeattie.net in the forum attached to appropriate groups or start a group and ask questions, post at the end of this article, or comment at Living in the Mystery, my blog at http://www.MelodyBeattie.com/blog. Attach comments to any blog. Your post will go directly to my personal email. I’ll respond as soon as I can. Please suggest any subjects you want me to address.
I’ll include more articles for friends of people in grief in the public and Members Only sections. Your articles are welcome too. You’re also invited to attend any chats or workshops held — they aren’t closed and don’t exclude you. Occasionally I may charge a small fee but most will be free. Know that by registering, you will not set yourself up to receive spam, sales pitches, or annoying emails. I haven’t, don’t, and won’t do that. My promises to people who register are: no dues, no fees, no tricks, no spam, no pop-ups and no sales pitches.
This site does offer a small gift shop, but only as a service. We have items directly connected to grief. You can visit the gift shop if you need help or ideas for an appropriate gift for someone experiencing loss. Items are limited and carefully selected. My favorite — and one which I wish was available back in the early nineties, are handmade comfort quilts made from the jeans of a lost loved one.
Sometimes we miss the physical touch of someone so much it aches. Literally, it hurts. No, a quilt sewn from that person’s jeans won’t bring him or her back, but it helps to touch something that person touched, wore, or used. It holds the memory of his or her energy, vibrations, scent. Each of us has a unique smell.
The Grief Club site is a safe place to go for people in pain now and the people who love them. I want to keep it that way — safe. That means no solicitors, no controlling, no telling people what to do, no judgments. Avoid negativity and intellectualizing grief (for example, making comments such as, “You’re just feeling sorry for yourself” or “It’s God’s Will.) While some statements may be true, they aren’t compassionate and they don’t help people heal. All I ask is that you commit to not hurting anyone else or yourself. By using this site, you agree to that. If you don’t agree, then please go no further.
The Privacy Policies, monitored by an outside organization, cover these issues in detail. If you haven’t read them yet, do. Please review the Disclaimers and Code of Conduct too. If you’ve read this far, you’ve agreed to abide by the Policies, Disclaimers, and rules. It’s important to know what you’re committing to do.
This site isn’t about only death. It covers many losses, including doing Family of Origin work – looking at and healing from childhood or past losses — those things we didn’t get and may not even be aware we missed. If you’ve already done your historical work, please consider registering anyway. You may be surprised at how much grief you still have left. Unresolved grief from yesterday is the biggest barrier to joy and peace now.
I’ll be here as much as I can, but the purpose of this site isn’t to generate money. I need to earn a living too. If you’re further down the road with healing from loss and grief, we need you here to help and support people who are raw and newly hurting from loss. You can role model hope to people who wonder if they’ll ever not hurt as much as they do.
If you’ve experienced loss and have found your balance again, this is an opportunity for you to make that loss count by sharing yourself with others. It helps grieving people to believe that they can get through whatever their process brings and to know that someday, they will be at peace and happy again. Knowing you’re not alone won’t take the pain away but it can make it easier to endure.
Whether you’re in grief now, have been in grief, or care about someone who hurts, this site is for you. Together, we make an elite club, although it’s one we didn’t want to join. The losses we’ve endured are too important not to make them count. By reaching out to others, you become a healer. We need you. Together we can make this a special place for people who hurt to come.
From the desk of Melody Beattie
Originally posted 2010
About the author
In addiction and recovery circles, Melody Beattie is a household name. She is the best-selling author of numerous books.
One of Melody's more recent titles is The Grief Club, which was published in 2006. This inspirational book gives the reader an inside look at the miraculous phenomenon that occurs after loss--the being welcomed into a new "club" of sorts, a circle of people who have lived through similar grief and pain, whether it be the loss of a child, a spouse, a career, or even one's youth.