Detachment

Detachment doesn’t come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.

“The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years—since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.

“I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.

“One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn’t drinking.

“I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.

“I’ve had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I’ve had to detach from unhealthy people and healthy people. It’s never failed. Detachment works.”

Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we’re ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.

Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.

From the book: The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

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