Sweet Surrender – Day 1

So we’re ready to take on the world, at least to take the next step. That’s when it hits. Or rather we hit it.

The wall.

Suddenly the path that looked so clear, so easy, so laid out in front of us disappears. “Just a little glitch,” we think. We take another run at it.

It’s still there.

“Must be me,” we think. “I’ll try a little harder. Get this problem under control.” We may mumble a few words to a Higher Power, something about needing help, but essentially we’re praying for enough steam to ram into and run through that wall, sometimes chanting the mantra “My will be done” all the way.

“What I want is good and right,” we tell ourselves. “I’ve just got to keep at it.”

I wish I could tell you there is a way to avoid this wall-banging, head-bumping vortex of chaos, but if there is, I haven’t found it.

It’s a dirty dust devil of self-will.

Hearing that we’re powerless over people, places, and things (such as alcohol and other drugs)—intellectually understanding that concept—is one thing. Experiencing powerlessness is another.

I didn’t surrender to my powerlessness over alcohol and drugs because I wanted to. I surrendered because I had to, because I was worn out, because I couldn’t keep going anymore. I went down hard.

I finally surrendered to my inability to control the alcoholism of someone I loved, not because it seemed like the right thing to do. It was the only thing left to do.

I didn’t surrender to my son’s death because I wanted to. I had no choice.

When I first learned about surrendering, it seemed impossible. Now, when I’m not in that surrendered place, it still seems foreign and faraway.

One morning, a friend called to see whether I had solved a problem I was struggling with.

“Yup,” I said. “I told God last night that whatever happened was okay with me, I was willing to do whatever he wanted. And I meant it.”

“Oh that,” she said gently. “Sweet surrender.”

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s sweet . . . now.”

Surrender. The place that those of us on a spiritual path call home.

Not only is it sweet, there’s no place like it, as Dorothy told us in The Wizard of Oz.

Value: Whether we call it surrendering control, surrendering to God’s Will, getting out of our own way, powerlessness, or running out of ourselves, that’s this week’s value.

From the book: 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact

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