Be as clear as possible

Marcia doesn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings. So when she doesn’t want to date or see someone anymore, she doesn’t tell them that. She lies. But she calls it “being nice.” She either sets up some dramatic scene that justifies her getting mad and breaking up, or she gives them an excuse that leaves them hanging.

Let go of the drama. Tie up loose ends. If you know where you’re at with someone, you can be diplomatic, but be as clear as you can be.

Be clear with yourself, too. Watch the behavior of other people. Are they making excuses to you why they can’t be with you? Are you making excuses about why they don’t call? Some of us wait a long time for someone who’s not even thinking about us.

Stop telling others what they want to hear, when that’s not the truth. Stop telling yourself what you want to hear, when what you’re telling yourself isn’t true, either. Don’t leave other people hanging. Don’t put yourself on hold.

Be as clear as you can be, with other people and with yourself.

It’s the compassionate thing to do.

God, help me know that I don’t have to create dramas to get what I want. Help me live my life from a place of centered, diplomatic honesty, even when that means I need to tell people something they’d rather not hear.

From the book: More Language of Letting Go

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