Coping devices

We may do less-than-logical things to cope with tragic events. We don’t do these things because we’re silly. We do them because it’s the only way we know to survive.

One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devaluing ourselves when bad things happen to us.

We might have experienced a lot of pain while we were growing up. So as a child we looked around and said, “Yup. This must be my fault. There’s something wrong with me.” Or, “I know if I would have kept my room cleaner, my daddy wouldn’t have gone away.”

Low self-esteem—and all the ways it manifests—becomes a way of coping with painful events. We look around and see all the people who don’t appear to have our level of problems, so we may conclude, “There’s something wrong with me.” Although adapting a posture of low self-esteem might have been a way of surviving pain, that time has passed. It’s time to replace low self-esteem with new perspectives.

Stop coping with events by devaluing yourself. Instead, respond to life by loving and taking care of yourself.

Love yourself just as you are.

God, help me love myself for who I am now.

Activity: Do a review of your self-esteem. Go back over past events from your childhood, teenage, and adult years. What painful events occurred? Did you give away your self-esteem to certain people? Now is a time to claim your self-esteem and take it back. Write down positive areas of your life. Write down what your friends and family members appreciate about you.

From the book: More Language of Letting Go

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