Say what you can’t have

“Why is it,” one man asked, “that if I walk into a room with one hundred women, the one I’m attracted to will either be engaged to someone else or live across the country? Will someone please explain that to me?”

I laughed when he asked the question, although he wasn’t trying to be funny. Many people find themselves enamored with what they can’t have. His question struck a chord because I’m one of them. Unavailability—and not being able to have what you want—although painful, can be deliciously enticing in many ways.

That miserable, deprived place feels so comfy and familiar to us. Even though we know where it leads—to letdown, loneliness, sitting by the phone—we’ll let that feeling lead us around by the nose.

Wanting what we can’t have is a universal dilemma. It’s so easy to conjure up fantasies about how delicious it would be if we could only have that, even though we know we never could. Then we don’t have to deal with what we have. And we don’t have to face issues like intimacy, commitment, and love.

Learn to recognize longing and yearning for what we can’t have. And ask for the courage and wisdom to learn about the true delights of available, requited love.

If we begin yearning for something we can’t have, we don’t have to take ourselves so seriously. We can see it for what it is and just enjoy a good laugh at ourselves.

God, help me stop sabotaging myself.

From the book: More Language of Letting Go

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