Say what you did

“How do you think it went?” Rob, my flight instructor asked me after my one-hour flying lesson.

I was used to this part of the drill by now. After a skydive or after a flight lesson, the student usually takes the time to sit down with the instructor and review the session. I reviewed the takeoff and landing, the maneuvers I had done, and objectively analyzed my fear and performance level. I critiqued where I needed improvement and what my goals were for the next session. Then came my favorite part. I had to pick out what I liked best about my flying that day.

I thought for a while. “I think I taxied really well,” I said. “I’m really getting the hang of it.”

Sometimes, in the busyness and exuberance of living our lives, it’s easy to forget to take time to debrief. By the time we fall into bed at night, we’re tired and done with the day.

Take an extra moment or two at night. Make room for a new habit in your life. The Twelve Step programs call it “taking an inventory.” Some people call it “debriefing.”

The purpose of an inventory isn’t to criticize. It’s to stay conscious and objectively analyze what happened. Go over the events of the day. What did you do? How do you feel about what you did? Where could you use improvement? What would you like to do tomorrow? And most important, what was your favorite part of the day?

Don’t overanalyze. Don’t use debriefing as a self-torture session. Simply say what you did, where you’d like to see improvement, and what you most enjoyed. You might be surprised at the awareness and power this simple activity can bring.

God, help me take the time to debrief.

Activity: If you have a spouse or a roommate, making a regular ritual out of doing a debriefing together can be a great intimacy-building activity. You can encourage your children to learn to debrief from the day at a young age. Or, you can debrief with a friend, on the phone, at the end of the day. You’ll not only get to know yourself better, but will also become closer to the other person, too.

From the book: More Language of Letting Go

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